THE BREAD (Il pane): The best. My host-mom makes it fresh in her little machina - we get white, wholegrain, olive (my personal favourite), brown. muesli (but somehow I can't manage to find the stuff for breakfast??), fruity...the works. It's delicious. Served with every meal in a huge wooden bowl at the centre of the table to be cut (with a USELESS, unserated knife), but not in slices - rather, chunks.
On occasion, she will buy fresh rolls from the Esselunga bakery - my GOD, this bread is next level. Croccante on the outside, soft and fluffy on the inside. And the FOCCACIA. I hate to break it to you - but the real Italian foccacia is unbeatable. I know that you think your local bakery makes it the best. It doesn't. Italian bakers do. Soz.
The main PROBLEM with this whole bread situation is the conservation of said crispyness and softness and fluffiness (or lack thereof). Italians have no concept of ziplock bags, or even just covering the breadbasket to keep the freshness in. So, basically, we have one day of amazing fresh bread, and then 3 days of stale, rock-hard, nostalgic-of-day-1 bread. Hence me eating about 3 rolls on day 1. Carbo-loading so I can avoid the stones the next few days.
Now, with bread, comes toast. I love me some toast. Toast with margerine and pickled gherkins. (Is that double pickled?)(Don't hate it till you try it.) Toast with flora and marmite. (Wow. I miss marmite.) Toast with anything really. (Except butter. Or fishpaste. Vom.) Italians don't eat toast. Their equivalent is a "toastie" - basically a toasted cheese and ham sandwich - no alternatives. My family owns an awesome toaster too, one with handles and adjustable width and shit...but they never use it! I remember on our Europe trip in 2007, my mother was considering bringing one of these toasters home in her suitcase.
Its gotten to the point where bringing out the toaster from the top cupboard is such a mission, that I just settle for no toast. Also, they don't eat margerine. Or marmite. Or pickles.
PANINO MAN: Panini are wonderful. There is a bergie in Bergamo who thinks so too. Every time anybody passes him, he begs for money for a panino. Do-gooder mission of the year: buy the oke a panino.
CAKE FROM A PACKET: My mom is a wonderful baker. She abhorrs box-brownies or pre-mixed pancake powder. Trust, she taught us well. At school, I used to bring about 50 cupcakes to school when a friend had a birthday, and they were always gone within 10 minutes - as was the extra tuppaware of icing I used to bring (Gabi Stein has no skaam in sticking her fingers in there. And then in her mouth. 52497 times dipping.)
My host-sister had some friends over for dinner the other night, and for dessert, pulled out 2 packets of cake batter - shop-bought (#GASP), poured them into a cake tin, baked it, pulled it out and dusted it with icing sugar. It was damn delicious, I will tell you. The thing is - Italian bakers don't bugger around - this batter is actually made from scratch - it has eggs and butter and milk in it, too, and an expiration date. So, technically, it's like making it from scratch. Right?
However, when her friends said, "Hmm nom nom, complimenti, Luci", I couldn't help but defend the packet's honour. I couldn't let her take the credit.
PASTA: There is a myth (mostly enforced by my mom) that Italians eat their pasta with a spoon - you curl the spaghetti strands into a big spoon with your fork, and eat it that way. In fact, Italians probably eat their pasta in the most unattractive, childish way - cut it into little piece before eating and then eating it with a spoon in small mouthfulls. They stab their penne, rather than scoop it onto the fork-tips like us South Africans have been taught. Some superfancy Italians use the side of their bowl (ALWAYS a bowl for pasta) to curl the strands around their fork (note: no spoon included) - don't underestimate this process: it is hazardous to the bowl, your clothing (depending on the stain-potential of the sauce), your ears (that scraping sound grillllllsss me), and also, your dignity.
Regardless of all my complaints: the pasta, bread, pizza, gelado, pretty much everything - is better here than it is wherever you are. Trust.
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